(Before you start reading just know that an audio version of this post is available on Substack for free)
Have you ever felt like you were not where you are supposed to be? Not with the right person? I have, a lot of times. To me, a home is not just a simple place where you live.
Home is the place you can share love, friendship and all sorts of emotions in.
Even the most beautiful place on earth becomes an ocean of emptiness if you don't share it with people you care about, and who care about you too.
So I wrote this letter to my home, a person, a town, a country, a world…
I don't know who I am writing this for, but I'm sure that one day, I will find you…
I'm walking along this long dark corridor,
Searching for a way out.
Light has gone away a long time ago,
Blown away by the cold wind of this neverending winter.
My legs feel heavy and my heart is weak.
Loneliness has become my only true friend.
"Let's take a walk together", she said.
"Do I even have a choice?", I answered.
So she took me by the hand and together we entered this world of silence.
Where nothing feels good.
Where nothing feels bad.
Where "nothing" is the only thing that exists.
Even light ran away with all my dreams,
Washed away by my tears.
The ghosts of my past are all here,
Trying to pull me back into a life that I try to escape.
And they laugh,
And they cry,
And in the shadow... they wait.
Wait for me to fall,
Deep down into the darkness of this empty universe,
Wait for me to call,
And tell them that I failed, that I surrender.
But why would I go back?
I've never felt myself with them by my side,
I've never felt home, only felt like my hands were tied.
There must be a place I could call home somewhere,
I know it, I feel it, I dream about it.
A place where I could speak my own language and feel understood,
A place where I would simply feel good.
So I keep walking, holding the hand of my faithful loneliness,
Telling her my stories,
Confessing my wildest dreams and my biggest fears...
And though I know she's not even listening,
I keep going...
With a little spark of hope in my heart
That lights up my way in the dark.
Just a little spark is all it takes,
To bring me closer to this place.
No matter how long it's gonna take,
Oh yes I bend, but I won't break.
Because it took me everything to find you,
Because you are my home, my me, my you.
Waves can keep crashing on me,
I'll keep surfing them.
Wind can push me back,
I'll walk forward again.
There is nothing I can't do for you.
Dear home, dear you, where are you?
Just for a minute, can I call you?
I need your voice to remind me that everything is ok,
and that sooner or later, it's in your arms, that I'm gonna stay.
Just one minute.
One single minute.
Dear home, dear you, if someday you find me too,
If I look weirdly familiar to you,
If my voice pulls the strings of your heart,
If without me, you feel torn apart,
If from me, you desperately try to run away,
But always finally decide to come back and stay,
Just know that it's safe here,
That I'll never disappear.
Dear home, dear you, I'm ready to leave my loneliness behind. Are you?
One single minute is all it takes for you and I to turn the dark into forever blue.
With love, always ❤️💫
Joanna 🦋 💫
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Thank you from the bottom of my heart. This means the world to me.